Three Minutes of Heaven

So in my last post, I alluded to a new development that was so important it deserved its own post, and here it is...

Yesterday evening, after an exhausting day of court visits, school visits, sitting in the sun, and riding in the car, and after almost four whole years, I FINALLY WRAPPED MY ARMS AROUND MY VERY BEAUTIFUL NEPHEW, SAGE!!!!  Although I'd had no time to prepare for it, as I had begun trying to accept that I may not be able to see him before returning to the U.S., and although it was far too short, the approximately three minutes I got to spend with Sage were wonderful.  This is how it happened:

Yesterday was supposed to be one of the regularly scheduled visits between Carlos and Sage.  Knowing Ana was still claiming that Sage was sick, and that the new visitation schedule wasn't fully in effect yet, and knowing he absolutely needed some time to work on his job, Carlos stayed home to work while his lawyers and I drove to Salamanca.  From about 9am to about 9pm we were either driving in the car or going to various places across the city where the lawyers had to do work on the case.  The actual visitation was supposed to take place at Sage's swimming lesson, but when we arrived there earlier in the day to turn in some paperwork, we were informed that in order to avoid visitation, Ana had pulled Sage from classes at the pool.  Not long after, the lawyer received a text message from Ana stating that Sage was still sick and that he was not allowed to go out, so she would not attend a visit.  Being the unconventional lawyers that they are, they decided that we should drive over to her parent's house to confirm this supposed prolonged reaction to a vaccination.

When we arrived, the lawyer went up to the gate and rang the bell.  I was standing with him, and about a minute later Sage's grandfather opened the door, saw the lawyer, and immediately closed it again.  About a minute later, he reemerged and headed over to the security booth at the front of the housing community to basically have us removed.  As he, the lawyer, and the guard stood around debating (in Spanish, so my understanding was limited), I recorded much of the conversation.  When the lawyer took the camera from me I began to speak to Ana's father, stating that I was Sage's aunt from the U.S. and that I was here with the sole purpose of seeing my nephew after four long years.  At first, he ignored me, then after awhile, he began speaking to me in Spanish about how my brother just needed to stop going through the lawyers and deal with him basically.  It was a lot of the same rhetoric he had given my brother in the past, but it was obvious he was hoping I would maybe be the one to convince Carlos that the lawyers are unneccesary, and they can come to some sort of agreement on their own man-to-man.  I listened for quite some time, understanding some, and responding to what I could.  In this particular case, the conversation itself wasn't that important to me, what was was maybe being able to see my nephew.  And to my surprise, he eventually conditionally agreed to let me, but not the lawyers, walk over to his yard to see Sage.

When we got to the front yard I sat in a lawn chair, and listened for another good 20 minutes to what he wanted me to hear before allowing me the privilege to see my nephew.  He went into the house and discussed who-knows-what with who-knows-who, and after about three minutes, he walked back out, and next to him, I was staring at this gorgeous little boy, whom for so long I'd been able to see only in pictures, and it was like I was looking at a long-lost miniature Carlos David Bermudez.  I wanted nothing less than to snatch him up onto my lap and hug and kiss him and tell him all about his father and American family, but as you can imagine, it could never have happened that way.  Sage was obviously nervous, the likes of which would not be terribly uncommon for a four-year old meeting a relative stranger they weren't prepared for, but add to that the language barrier, the tension in the house when it was said that I was waiting outside to see him, and the alienation that has taken place for so long between he, his father, and our family, and I knew I had only minutes with him before he was again out of my sight.  Ana's parents were both standing there while we talked, but I said to him in Spanish:
"Hi Sage.  I'm your aunt from the United States, and the sister of your father, Carlos." "I haven't been able to see you in a long time, but I want you to know that I love you, and that I, your other grandma, your cousins, and your aunts/uncles in the U.S. miss you very much." I could tell he didn't know what to say, so I said to him, "I brought you some things from your family," and after pulling out a talking Kung-Fu panda doll I said to him, "your father, Carlos, told me that you like Kung Fu Panda...look, this one talks..." I pushed the button, and as he heard it talk he got a quick smile on this face before sitting down to look at it.  Then, I got him out his other toys, crayons, etc. and talked briefly about those.  While he looked at them all, I just stared at him, telling him how handsome he was, and that when he was a baby he and his parents had come to visit me at my house.  When I could feel it was time to go, based on the limited invitation I was given to be there, I told him that I would have to go back to the U.S. soon, but that I hoped that he would come to see me, send me pictures, and that I couldn't wait to see him again.  I asked him if I could give him a hug, and he very reluctantly agreed.  As I wrapped my arms around him, the tangibility of that moment was very hard to let go of, and very surreal.  I kissed him on the cheek, and said goodbye to him.  As I walked away feeling elated and heartbroken at the same time, I felt angry that his grandfather had so strongly opposed pictures in his agreement to let me walk over.  What I wouldn't give to have a picture of us together after all this time...

And so, here I am, feeling mildly satisfied that I was able to see him at least once before returning, but praying I will get the chance again before Saturday, and wanting more than ever for him to come home, where we will all be waiting...

Love to Sage,
Your Aunt, Tia Sonia

P.S.  He didn't look sick ;)