Countdown to Home...

I've stated several times now that this trip has been fairly exhausting for me (although I must try not to complain too much about that, because for me it has been 8 days...my brother deals with the same day in and day out when in Mexico).  As I near the end of my stay and the impending LONG trip home, I find myself experiencing both great excitement at the thought of reuniting with my children, husband, and home, and also great sadness that I will no longer be able to see my brother each day and know that he is okay.  Up until now, we have seen him at least once every year when either he comes to visit or I find a reason to travel to N.C. and see him.  Now, however, as his legal pursuit for the return of his son continues to drain him financially, I know that the trips he takes will be limited to those necessary to do his job and to see his son.  As time goes on and this case drags on, I begin to realize that he is forever lost to us...lost to any semblance of a normal existence...lost to who he himself truly is, until he is satisfactorily re-united with Sage.  As a sister who loves her brother, knowing this makes saying goodbye to get back on a plane and fly hundreds of miles away from him again, just as hard as saying goodbye to my estranged nephew was a few days ago.  At the same time, I know my brother is brave, strong, intelligent, and self-sufficient, and if anybody can make it through what he's going through, he can...

And now, today's events:

Today was spent almost solely in Salamanca.  We drove the approximately 1-1.5 hours from San Miguel this morning to go to the new school that Sage is now enrolled in, and picked up all of his school materials for the beginning of the year.  After spending quite some time at the courthouse to submit documents showing that Carlos had made the payments to enroll Sage, we drove to the town's "centro," or downtown area, where currently, Wednesday visits are supposed to take place.  Naively, we were actually slightly more hopeful that they would show up this time, as they knew that it was my last opportunity to see Sage before leaving the country.  Of course, about a half hour after we arrived, Carlos received a text message stating that Sage still couldn't leave the house due to his "sickness."  This time, Carlos decided he would take a cue from his lawyers and we would just drive over to the house...after all, sickness keeps a child from school, not from his parents.
This was the first time Carlos had been to the neighborhood of Sage's grandparents.  When we arrived, we walked up to the gate as I had with the lawyers two times before.  Almost as if they had been watching for us, Ana's parents came out into the yard pretty much immediately.  I had started out recording, but Carlos decided to trust that it would be okay to talk briefly without the camera when Sage's dad semi-requested it, so I turned it off.  To make a long (about 2-3 hours) story short, we sat in the front yard and had a civil--meaning there was no real arguing taking place--conversation.  Again, being that it was mostly in Spanish, some I understood on my own, some I had Carlos translate, some I was able to deduce, and some was lost in translation or not explained to me until later.  For the most part, however, it was a lot of the same conversation that I had had with Ana's father a few days ago; things like, how dealing without the lawyers is a much better way to handle the case, how everybody wants Sage to know all of his family, but how he's really adapted to Mexico and is always with his mom, etc.  Ana's mother even suggested at one point that Carlos just allow Sage to get older, and that she promised they would tell him who his father was.  Ana's father suggested that we trust that he is the head of that household and his daughter listens to him, and so why couldn't we just come to an agreement stating that Sage comes to the U.S. for holidays, etc.  I held onto this particular idea for much of the conversation, knowing I had the perfect opportunity to test it out.  As we were sitting and talking, Sage was inside the house with his mom and the rest of her family.  He was sleeping in the beginning of the visit, but I had asked early on if we could please see him again before I go, and that I would really like to have a picture of Sage, Carlos, and myself to take home.  After sitting and listening for most of the conversation, I asked her father, "so, may we see Sage before leaving?" He stated that he would go talk to Ana.  When he returned, he stated that she'd said no.  Carlos wasn't really surprised, but entirely frustrated, I asked him to translate this question to her father: "you say that you have influence with your daughter, and that we should stop with all of the legal actions and deal between families, but I am here for two more days, sitting right outside his door, and you can't negotiate a quick visit between Sage, his father, and his aunt?"  This is why it's entirely necessary that the lawyers, the judge, and the legal system are involved...the lack of trust was built by Ana, and as time goes on it only becomes more and more difficult to trust her actions and intentions.  My last chance to see Sage, to see him with his daddy, and just like that it was gone.
After that, listening to anything more was essentially impossible.  Words and promises have to translate into actions for them to mean anything when it is a parent-child relationship at stake, and it was apparent that this was not going to happen tonight.  After a few more minutes, I stood up, and said in Spanish, "Senor y Senora, with all respect, it is too difficult for me to stand here knowing that I won't be able to see Sage again before I leave, so thank you, but I'll be waiting over in the car." Carlos was also ready to leave. We walked back to the car, and as we drove away, I mulled over how congenial it had all been, but also how pointless, and that they leave my brother with no choice but to continue the path he is currently on.

My dear, sweet Sage, I was right outside your door tonight, from thousands of miles away.  I wanted to talk about your Kung Fu Panda some more, and to watch you light up your father's soul.  The more time that goes by, the more your mother and family here consent to the distortion of your emotional bond with your father--whom has always loved you dearly.  I did not get to see you tonight, and now will not for only God knows how long, but I am loving you like you were right here, and praying for justice.  Until we meet again....

Love,
Aunt Sonia