In the thick of it...

Around the time that I started this blog is about when I really began to get so emotionally involved with my nephew's abduction, that I literally now think about it several times per day.  It's not that it didn't affect me before, but like so many, I kept believing it was going to get resolved, and didn't feel there was much I could do anyway.  My brother was living in North Carolina and I in Michigan, so although I was obviously aware of what he was dealing with, I didn't acutely feel the loss of Sage like he did immediately, nor did I have the chance to observe my brother's living hell day in and day out as I would have had he lived closer.  My mind could sort of "believe" that things were okay, because even if Sage had still been at home where he should have been, I wasn't likely to see him more than a few times per year anyway at that point.  I think everyone can relate to this story; most of us have known at least one person in our lives who has experienced something unimaginable, of which we empathize and secretly thank God it isn't happening to us...we offer condolences and generic (although sincere) words of encouragement, but at the end of the day, we all have our own families, our own jobs, our own stresses (however relatively trivial they may be), and it's HARD to have to dwell on painful situations for very long, particularly when you don't know what to do to make them better.  Right or wrong, shameful or not, I was able to do this, for the most part, for the better part of the last almost four years that Sage has been gone (granted, I was completing an internship and starting a new job, my second child was born, and my oldest started kindergarten during this time), but as life has started to stabilize for my own little family a bit, and I've had the chance to start looking beyond my own borders more, it's all kind of hit me like a ton of bricks, and now, I'm in the thick of it...

The first thing I do every morning is get on the computer to see if there is any news from Mexico, any responses to attempts made to contact others about the case, any movement at all, first for my brother, and then also for other parents left in the same situation as his.  Often, there is none, and I find myself wondering what could I possibly do today that might make some sort of difference?  These are the times when I am most productive with keeping up on the blog, writing letters, taking pictures or flying to Mexico!  I feel hopeful and strong during these periods, but as they go on and my patience begins to wear thin, and I see little progress made where it really matters, I fall back a bit, and begin to wonder how I can continue to care so much about this when nothing's happening, when I see other things in my life lacking, or my own children vying for my attention because I've been typing away for too long.  Sleep is often the thing to give in my case, and I do pay for it.  I am lucky to have my own supports at home to keep me going.  But, the desire to do more is always there.  I miss my brother regularly, and now, only weeks after returning from my visit to see him in Mexico, I find myself daydreaming about going back again, as though it were really an option in the near future.  Money is always an issue though, as anybody taking the time to read this blog can relate to, and so I have to really consider the most wise use of it.  I want so much to become fluent in Spanish, not just so I can communicate with my nephew, my brother's lawyers, and others willing to help in Mexico, but also so that the next time I'm there, I can really tell Ana and her parents what I think of them and what they're doing.  But, again, I have to consider whether the outcome of that would be worth the financial and time commitment it would inevitably require.

I am one of so many that feels complete and total outrage at the fact that this kind of hell can be committed against a family, and 99.9% of the time, there is no effective recourse available.  There has to be more that we can do, and we must...we must all continue to take advantage of these times when we have the energy and the ability to try and do something.  If we don't, nothing will ever change.  The State Department, the OCI, the Hague Convention have all proven themselves to be worth so little for so long, that people like my brother's in-laws consider it a generous offer to suggest to him that he leave things be, let Sage stay in Mexico, and they "promise they'll tell him who his father is"; the judge hearing the current trial in Mexico continues to find it acceptable that he exceed his legal limits for making decisions on motions that are submitted, most recently demonstrated by his failure to grant or deny an emergency hearing regarding Ana's failure to get Sage to his new school, which has been in session for over a week.  Charges are now being filed against him for failing to do his job, which sounds hopeful, but at the same time, we'd hoped that this judge would finally care about what was right and make things happen.

 And on that note, another week ends with renewed frustration, but also with my promise to my brother, to Sage, to other LBP's, and to Ana and her parents, who I know read this blog, that I will not give up, I will continue to fight for justice for my nephew, and that Ana and her family will not be able to walk quietly away from the sins they have committed and continue to commit each and every day.  God sees all of it--the lies they tell to Sage behind closed doors, the scrapbook of pictures made for Sage of his cousins and family that they confiscated and refused to let him see; their neighbors will continue to see that Sage's father actually DOES care about his son, that he makes attempts every week to see him, and goes to their house when they don't show up; anybody who gets online will be able to read about what they've done, and one day, Sage will see what they have taken from him.