Update on Recent Visit

My last post was regarding the recent visit my brother had with Sage.  At that time, few details were known other than the fact that we were all ecstatic to hear Sage had referred to his father as "dad" several times.  Our family received a brief call not long after from Carlos, where we learned that visits are currently being ordered by the judge 3-4 times per week, which is GREAT NEWS!  For the first month Carlos will have to visit Sage in the presence of Ana and her family, and I'm presuming that after that they'll get some time alone. 

While I couldn't be happier that my brother finally gets some time to be with Sage, and while Carlos may not agree with me (after all, he's there and I'm not, and I don't really know all that is happening), I can't help but wonder if there are some, both here and there, who may try to placate him and decrease any efforts to return Sage to the U.S. by suggesting that since he is seeing him so often in Mexico, there is no need to return him.  I continue to fear for his safety at times, as we all know that Mexico has had a steady increase in the rate of violent crimes perpetrated against foreigners, even in cases where there are no natives necessarily opposed to their presence.  For these, and for so many other reasons, I temper my response to these small blessings with the ultimate reality that Sage still is not where he needs to be, and the work must continue to get him home.

Despite his many supporters, Carlos is, like many left-behind parents, essentially fighting the real fight alone.  Although we help when and where we are able, and all miss Sage more than can be expressed, the financial and emotional burden lies squarely on Carlos' shoulders, and he is now faced with a paradox of emotions.  On the one hand, total joy at finally being able to interact with his son, and on the other, now having to directly face the consequences of what his wife's continued abusive decisions have done to them.  Having been abducted at one year of age, Sage remembers little to nothing of his father, and yet, on their first visit together, Sage interacted freely with him, enjoying their games and very casually referring to him as dad in Spanish.  On their second visit, however, Sage appeared more withdrawn, and called him Carlos instead of dad.  Upon hearing this, Ana quickly replied that she was in fact the one who had told Sage to call him dad, but that he didn't feel comfortable with it, so they told him he could call him Carlos.  He also made several other comments that clearly confirmed not only the outright lies he had been told (ie. that Ana's dad was his dad), but also that there are clear attempts at parental alienation going on when Sage is with his mother's family (at one time he said randomly to Carlos, "you know, strangers are dangerous.") 

Upon initially hearing that Sage was referring to my brother as dad, I asked him, "well, who told him you were his dad?"  I knew that at their first visit, Carlos had made the deliberate and difficult decision not to divulge this to Sage, as he did not want to add immediate confusion to the psychological abuse he was already suffering.  Apparently, the judge that ruled in favor of visitations came right out and asked Sage who his father was, and when Sage pointed to Ana's father and said "Tonio," the judge told him "no, that's your father," and pointed to Carlos.  Because he knew this was confusing to Sage, my brother tried showing some pictures of Sage, Ana, and himself back in N.C. to him, so that he could see they'd all lived together at one time.  Ana's characteristically selfish response was to tell Carlos not to show the pictures to Sage.  Why would she not want him to do this?  Despite the fact that she is now being court-ordered to acknowledge to Sage that Carlos is his father by letting them have visits, she is continuing to try to deny this to him on so many levels.  As a mother of two, I simply cannot imagine how one could intentionally do this to their own child.  I can only hope and pray that this will be looked at for what it is...outright abuse...in the proceedings to come.