So in my last post, I alluded to a new development that was so important it deserved its own post, and here it is...
Yesterday evening, after an exhausting day of court visits, school visits, sitting in the sun, and riding in the car, and after almost four whole years, I FINALLY WRAPPED MY ARMS AROUND MY VERY BEAUTIFUL NEPHEW, SAGE!!!! Although I'd had no time to prepare for it, as I had begun trying to accept that I may not be able to see him before returning to the U.S., and although it was far too short, the approximately three minutes I got to spend with Sage were wonderful. This is how it happened:
Yesterday was supposed to be one of the regularly scheduled visits between Carlos and Sage. Knowing Ana was still claiming that Sage was sick, and that the new visitation schedule wasn't fully in effect yet, and knowing he absolutely needed some time to work on his job, Carlos stayed home to work while his lawyers and I drove to Salamanca. From about 9am to about 9pm we were either driving in the car or going to various places across the city where the lawyers had to do work on the case. The actual visitation was supposed to take place at Sage's swimming lesson, but when we arrived there earlier in the day to turn in some paperwork, we were informed that in order to avoid visitation, Ana had pulled Sage from classes at the pool. Not long after, the lawyer received a text message from Ana stating that Sage was still sick and that he was not allowed to go out, so she would not attend a visit. Being the unconventional lawyers that they are, they decided that we should drive over to her parent's house to confirm this supposed prolonged reaction to a vaccination.
When we arrived, the lawyer went up to the gate and rang the bell. I was standing with him, and about a minute later Sage's grandfather opened the door, saw the lawyer, and immediately closed it again. About a minute later, he reemerged and headed over to the security booth at the front of the housing community to basically have us removed. As he, the lawyer, and the guard stood around debating (in Spanish, so my understanding was limited), I recorded much of the conversation. When the lawyer took the camera from me I began to speak to Ana's father, stating that I was Sage's aunt from the U.S. and that I was here with the sole purpose of seeing my nephew after four long years. At first, he ignored me, then after awhile, he began speaking to me in Spanish about how my brother just needed to stop going through the lawyers and deal with him basically. It was a lot of the same rhetoric he had given my brother in the past, but it was obvious he was hoping I would maybe be the one to convince Carlos that the lawyers are unneccesary, and they can come to some sort of agreement on their own man-to-man. I listened for quite some time, understanding some, and responding to what I could. In this particular case, the conversation itself wasn't that important to me, what was was maybe being able to see my nephew. And to my surprise, he eventually conditionally agreed to let me, but not the lawyers, walk over to his yard to see Sage.
When we got to the front yard I sat in a lawn chair, and listened for another good 20 minutes to what he wanted me to hear before allowing me the privilege to see my nephew. He went into the house and discussed who-knows-what with who-knows-who, and after about three minutes, he walked back out, and next to him, I was staring at this gorgeous little boy, whom for so long I'd been able to see only in pictures, and it was like I was looking at a long-lost miniature Carlos David Bermudez. I wanted nothing less than to snatch him up onto my lap and hug and kiss him and tell him all about his father and American family, but as you can imagine, it could never have happened that way. Sage was obviously nervous, the likes of which would not be terribly uncommon for a four-year old meeting a relative stranger they weren't prepared for, but add to that the language barrier, the tension in the house when it was said that I was waiting outside to see him, and the alienation that has taken place for so long between he, his father, and our family, and I knew I had only minutes with him before he was again out of my sight. Ana's parents were both standing there while we talked, but I said to him in Spanish:
"Hi Sage. I'm your aunt from the United States, and the sister of your father, Carlos." "I haven't been able to see you in a long time, but I want you to know that I love you, and that I, your other grandma, your cousins, and your aunts/uncles in the U.S. miss you very much." I could tell he didn't know what to say, so I said to him, "I brought you some things from your family," and after pulling out a talking Kung-Fu panda doll I said to him, "your father, Carlos, told me that you like Kung Fu Panda...look, this one talks..." I pushed the button, and as he heard it talk he got a quick smile on this face before sitting down to look at it. Then, I got him out his other toys, crayons, etc. and talked briefly about those. While he looked at them all, I just stared at him, telling him how handsome he was, and that when he was a baby he and his parents had come to visit me at my house. When I could feel it was time to go, based on the limited invitation I was given to be there, I told him that I would have to go back to the U.S. soon, but that I hoped that he would come to see me, send me pictures, and that I couldn't wait to see him again. I asked him if I could give him a hug, and he very reluctantly agreed. As I wrapped my arms around him, the tangibility of that moment was very hard to let go of, and very surreal. I kissed him on the cheek, and said goodbye to him. As I walked away feeling elated and heartbroken at the same time, I felt angry that his grandfather had so strongly opposed pictures in his agreement to let me walk over. What I wouldn't give to have a picture of us together after all this time...
And so, here I am, feeling mildly satisfied that I was able to see him at least once before returning, but praying I will get the chance again before Saturday, and wanting more than ever for him to come home, where we will all be waiting...
Love to Sage,
Your Aunt, Tia Sonia
P.S. He didn't look sick ;)
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
More Mexico Updates
I know...I said I was going to go to bed, but I had a bit of espresso this evening so, here goes:
As I stated in my last post, a lot has happened since I arrived in Mexico, and as I've hardly had a minute to think, let alone process it all, the chronology has sort of gotten blurred...I hope I don't leave out any major details, but aside from court on August 12th, these are the main developments since the reopening of the courts:
1.) A new visitation schedule was created--this is explained in the Aug. 12 posting.
2.) No date is yet set for the next hearing. Had it not been for the stalling tactic of Ana and her lawyers to request the submission of new evidence in the form of her "witnesses," the hearing would likely have been decided on already. It's unfortunate that this was allowed, as it was really already supposed to be too late to submit new evidence, but chances are that if Carlos and his lawyers are able to appear for cross-examination, it will end up working in their favor, as was the case with her previous "witnesses," who had trusted she'd had her lies straight before asking them to testify. Even if it doesn't serve to help them in any way, the most that they will be able to testify is that they've known Sage, he's lived with his mom while in Mexico, and he's "happy"...usual parental abduction stuff.
3.) For some time now, Ana has been claiming that she's living with her parents in Salamanca. Over the last several months, however, she's also been claiming that she's driving Sage everyday to a school in Celaya, about 45 minutes away. Due to several previous incidents, comments made by Sage, etc., Carlos and his lawyers believe that she is actually now living in Celaya and not documenting this with the court. After doing some research, it was determined that there would be no good reason for her to drive Sage that far for school everyday, as the schools are no better and maybe worse, the highways are naturally dangerous when driven back and forth everyday, and the time it would take there and back would be exhausting for a 4-year old boy who has been in school all day. Up until this point there has been no easy way to prove Ana's false address, but as we were heading to the prosecutor's office a few days ago, we happened to drive by an elementary school that teaches both Spanish and English. Intrigued by the idea of killing two birds with one stone (determining the reality of Sage's living conditions, and also ensuring that he learn his native language in a good school), we looked into it and found that it was also the best school in Salamanca. So, Sage is now signed up for school there, to start this fall, and a motion put into the court that Ana is required to keep Sage in the school. We should hear the judge's reaction to this request soon, but Carlos and I attended an orientation for the school this evening, and it seems that IF this goes through, Carlos will be able to attend school functions for Sage just as often as Ana does.
4.) The final very specific development that has come about in my now 7 days here deserves its own post, so for now, I bid you goodnight, or as I've said many times here in Mexico...buenas noches :)
--Sonia
As I stated in my last post, a lot has happened since I arrived in Mexico, and as I've hardly had a minute to think, let alone process it all, the chronology has sort of gotten blurred...I hope I don't leave out any major details, but aside from court on August 12th, these are the main developments since the reopening of the courts:
1.) A new visitation schedule was created--this is explained in the Aug. 12 posting.
2.) No date is yet set for the next hearing. Had it not been for the stalling tactic of Ana and her lawyers to request the submission of new evidence in the form of her "witnesses," the hearing would likely have been decided on already. It's unfortunate that this was allowed, as it was really already supposed to be too late to submit new evidence, but chances are that if Carlos and his lawyers are able to appear for cross-examination, it will end up working in their favor, as was the case with her previous "witnesses," who had trusted she'd had her lies straight before asking them to testify. Even if it doesn't serve to help them in any way, the most that they will be able to testify is that they've known Sage, he's lived with his mom while in Mexico, and he's "happy"...usual parental abduction stuff.
3.) For some time now, Ana has been claiming that she's living with her parents in Salamanca. Over the last several months, however, she's also been claiming that she's driving Sage everyday to a school in Celaya, about 45 minutes away. Due to several previous incidents, comments made by Sage, etc., Carlos and his lawyers believe that she is actually now living in Celaya and not documenting this with the court. After doing some research, it was determined that there would be no good reason for her to drive Sage that far for school everyday, as the schools are no better and maybe worse, the highways are naturally dangerous when driven back and forth everyday, and the time it would take there and back would be exhausting for a 4-year old boy who has been in school all day. Up until this point there has been no easy way to prove Ana's false address, but as we were heading to the prosecutor's office a few days ago, we happened to drive by an elementary school that teaches both Spanish and English. Intrigued by the idea of killing two birds with one stone (determining the reality of Sage's living conditions, and also ensuring that he learn his native language in a good school), we looked into it and found that it was also the best school in Salamanca. So, Sage is now signed up for school there, to start this fall, and a motion put into the court that Ana is required to keep Sage in the school. We should hear the judge's reaction to this request soon, but Carlos and I attended an orientation for the school this evening, and it seems that IF this goes through, Carlos will be able to attend school functions for Sage just as often as Ana does.
4.) The final very specific development that has come about in my now 7 days here deserves its own post, so for now, I bid you goodnight, or as I've said many times here in Mexico...buenas noches :)
--Sonia
Return to Court
August 12 was the long anticipated return to court, and a continuation to the visitation hearings that had been going on prior to the court's break. As most of you know, I have traveled to Mexico with the hope of being able to provide some tangible support, and to see Carlos and Sage. I arrived on August 9th and have been running all over the state since. The day after I arrived, my brother's lawyers and I drove to the city of Salamanca to attempt to attend a scheduled visit with Sage, despite the fact that Ana had blown off every single visit after the court's closing. It was a disappointment, but no real surprise when she didn't show. Not wanting to waste the trip, the lawyers took me to the court to meet the judge. We were introduced, and I was asked to explain who I was and what I was requesting. I explained to him that I had not seen Sage in almost four years, and that my primary concerns at that very moment were attending the hearing on the 12th, and being able to see Sage prior to returning to the U.S. The judge agreed to let me attend the hearing, but stated that I could attend the regular visits with Carlos. Carlos' lawyer proceeded to tell him that Ana had been skipping visits, which he probably should have already known, and we left knowing that court would be my first real opportunity to see my nephew. Much of the next few days was spent getting to know Carlos' lawyers and some of the area, and accompanying the lawyers and my brother on their MANY trips to file requests at the court and address other aspects of the case.
August 12th, and the hearing where the judge was going to clean the floors with Ana, and I was going to see my nephew, finally arrived. I got my picture album and toys ready for Sage, and we got to the courthouse at 10:00 a.m. Not too long after, we were sitting in the courtroom: the transcriber, the judge, my brother's lawyers, myself and Carlos, Ana, her lawyer, the ministerio publico (Ana's secret 2nd lawyer), and a representative from child and family services. During the three or so hours that the hearing lasted, three things were going through my head:
1.) where is Sage?
2.) how am I supposed to be expected to sit quietly in the same room with this evil woman, whom had acted so sweet the last time I saw her, and then kidnapped my nephew? and
3.) what is going on?????
Unfortunately, as I have a only a minute grasp of the language, much was lost on me except for bits and pieces, along with the distinct feeling that there was going to be no floor cleaning today, and Sage wasn't coming. As I sat there with my heart sinking, and the Mexican heat closing in on me, I felt a keen awareness of the painful build up/let down, build up/let down, baby steps, let down that my brother has been enduring for over three years now. All this time, from the psychological safety of my own home and responsibilities, I've been responding to the stories of disappointment and frustratingly small wins/time-consuming fails, by expressing my sincere shock over how there was any question of what the right decision was. Sitting in the courtroom, where respect for the judge, respect for the lawyers, respect for everyone is the usual battle cry, I fully realized that this is what there is for my brother. He has the best lawyers in the state, and from my standpoint, anywhere really; he turned over heaven and earth to be able to travel back and forth to Mexico for court and to see Sage; he beats himself up with the stress and a tireless schedule to keep his momentum; and most importantly, he has the TRUTH, yet, all of this feels meaningless at this place, at this time, and for the foreseeable future. I got the distinct sense that even though we were in a court of law, justice was not the order of the day, as the reality remains that it if he gets his son back, it may very well still take years to happen. He continues to struggle with judges who feel it is more their job to make the whole world a little bit happy, than to lay down the law as it's written, and as I observed the gestures of those in the room, I saw first-hand the nods in agreement of all Ana had to say by the "unbiased" prosecutor that was there as "Sage's representative."
And so, it was another confirmation of the LBP/family's hard-learned lesson that without a functioning Hague Convention, or a similar piece of International legislation in place that is backed by the governments of all LBP's (not just those who happen to work for the government), there is little hope for a timely recovery, and the guarantee of a long and difficult road for the left-behind parents/families.
Once court let out and we all got our bearings, my brother confirmed that my sense regarding the tone of the hearing was basically correct. Several items that were supposed to be discussed were not, and there were no repercussions for Ana for skipping out on visits or for failing to bring Sage to court (she claimed he was sick). Prior to the court's closing in July, Ana was allowed to submit request for new "witnesses" to testify. The request was affirmed, and is now basically the main wedge keeping the door open on this first level of the Hague trial. Because these friends of Ana's happen to live in another city about 45 minutes from Salamanca, and they couldn't possibly make the trip to testify in this court, we are awaiting a date for them to testify in their hometown. If Carlos and his lawyers are notified of the date and place ahead of time, they can attend for cross examination, but this information has not been made available to them as of now, and there has been no time limit set for when it must take place.
The good news, or the "little bit of happy" that Carlos got to take away from the hearing however, was that a new visitation schedule was created, this time allowing Carlos 7 hours with Sage on Saturdays, and one other visit during the week. The visits have to take place in view of child/family services at their office, but Ana can't be within 20 meters of Carlos and Sage. The judge informed her that from this point forward, if Ana fails to bring Sage to visits he can impose fines, and/or file criminal charges against her. While I admit that this is wonderful in that it will hopefully allow Carlos to finally attempt to rekindle the bond between father and son, it's also impossible to deny the fact that the person they're really treating as the defendant in this case is Carlos, rather than the woman who committed the crime of abduction, and stole three years of Sage's relationship with his father, which can never be returned. Ana spends day and night with Sage, without restriction, and without supervision, and now, after all this time, Carlos gets to try to foster a relationship with his alienated son in the presence of a social worker and in the confines of an unfamiliar building. But this is what it's like for the left-behind parent...take what you can get...the abductor gets to call the shots.
I'm sorry it's taken this long to update, but this was what happened in court on August 12. I realize I have many more days to blog before I get caught up, but my eyes are drooping, and the days and nights seem to blur into the next here. I will try to get some sleep tonight, and straighten things out a bit before my next post...more to come tomorrow :)
Thank you all for your continued support...and for your patience :)
--Sonia
August 12th, and the hearing where the judge was going to clean the floors with Ana, and I was going to see my nephew, finally arrived. I got my picture album and toys ready for Sage, and we got to the courthouse at 10:00 a.m. Not too long after, we were sitting in the courtroom: the transcriber, the judge, my brother's lawyers, myself and Carlos, Ana, her lawyer, the ministerio publico (Ana's secret 2nd lawyer), and a representative from child and family services. During the three or so hours that the hearing lasted, three things were going through my head:
1.) where is Sage?
2.) how am I supposed to be expected to sit quietly in the same room with this evil woman, whom had acted so sweet the last time I saw her, and then kidnapped my nephew? and
3.) what is going on?????
Unfortunately, as I have a only a minute grasp of the language, much was lost on me except for bits and pieces, along with the distinct feeling that there was going to be no floor cleaning today, and Sage wasn't coming. As I sat there with my heart sinking, and the Mexican heat closing in on me, I felt a keen awareness of the painful build up/let down, build up/let down, baby steps, let down that my brother has been enduring for over three years now. All this time, from the psychological safety of my own home and responsibilities, I've been responding to the stories of disappointment and frustratingly small wins/time-consuming fails, by expressing my sincere shock over how there was any question of what the right decision was. Sitting in the courtroom, where respect for the judge, respect for the lawyers, respect for everyone is the usual battle cry, I fully realized that this is what there is for my brother. He has the best lawyers in the state, and from my standpoint, anywhere really; he turned over heaven and earth to be able to travel back and forth to Mexico for court and to see Sage; he beats himself up with the stress and a tireless schedule to keep his momentum; and most importantly, he has the TRUTH, yet, all of this feels meaningless at this place, at this time, and for the foreseeable future. I got the distinct sense that even though we were in a court of law, justice was not the order of the day, as the reality remains that it if he gets his son back, it may very well still take years to happen. He continues to struggle with judges who feel it is more their job to make the whole world a little bit happy, than to lay down the law as it's written, and as I observed the gestures of those in the room, I saw first-hand the nods in agreement of all Ana had to say by the "unbiased" prosecutor that was there as "Sage's representative."
And so, it was another confirmation of the LBP/family's hard-learned lesson that without a functioning Hague Convention, or a similar piece of International legislation in place that is backed by the governments of all LBP's (not just those who happen to work for the government), there is little hope for a timely recovery, and the guarantee of a long and difficult road for the left-behind parents/families.
Once court let out and we all got our bearings, my brother confirmed that my sense regarding the tone of the hearing was basically correct. Several items that were supposed to be discussed were not, and there were no repercussions for Ana for skipping out on visits or for failing to bring Sage to court (she claimed he was sick). Prior to the court's closing in July, Ana was allowed to submit request for new "witnesses" to testify. The request was affirmed, and is now basically the main wedge keeping the door open on this first level of the Hague trial. Because these friends of Ana's happen to live in another city about 45 minutes from Salamanca, and they couldn't possibly make the trip to testify in this court, we are awaiting a date for them to testify in their hometown. If Carlos and his lawyers are notified of the date and place ahead of time, they can attend for cross examination, but this information has not been made available to them as of now, and there has been no time limit set for when it must take place.
The good news, or the "little bit of happy" that Carlos got to take away from the hearing however, was that a new visitation schedule was created, this time allowing Carlos 7 hours with Sage on Saturdays, and one other visit during the week. The visits have to take place in view of child/family services at their office, but Ana can't be within 20 meters of Carlos and Sage. The judge informed her that from this point forward, if Ana fails to bring Sage to visits he can impose fines, and/or file criminal charges against her. While I admit that this is wonderful in that it will hopefully allow Carlos to finally attempt to rekindle the bond between father and son, it's also impossible to deny the fact that the person they're really treating as the defendant in this case is Carlos, rather than the woman who committed the crime of abduction, and stole three years of Sage's relationship with his father, which can never be returned. Ana spends day and night with Sage, without restriction, and without supervision, and now, after all this time, Carlos gets to try to foster a relationship with his alienated son in the presence of a social worker and in the confines of an unfamiliar building. But this is what it's like for the left-behind parent...take what you can get...the abductor gets to call the shots.
I'm sorry it's taken this long to update, but this was what happened in court on August 12. I realize I have many more days to blog before I get caught up, but my eyes are drooping, and the days and nights seem to blur into the next here. I will try to get some sleep tonight, and straighten things out a bit before my next post...more to come tomorrow :)
Thank you all for your continued support...and for your patience :)
--Sonia
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Another Picture for Sage
Love,
Uncle (Tio) Evan, Aunt (Tia) Sonia, Grandma (Abuela) Diane, and your cousins (primas) Andie, Kera, and Sonia
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Photo Album for Sage--bringing this to Mexico
But in case it gets "lost," here's a digital copy :) (sorry about all the photos that uploaded sideways!)
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Trip to Mexico
After a long period of contemplation about whether or not I could justify traveling to Mexico to support Carlos and Sage at this time, I have just finalized plans for a 10-day trip. I am excited to see my brother, and both elated and nervous about the prospect of seeing my nephew once again under the visitation conditions that currently stand. Having a family of my own at home, I admit this was a difficult decision for me to make, as finances are stretched, I will miss my own children, and I can't completely shake the concerns I have regarding personal safety while traveling in Mexico. I have done lots of research, and truly do feel that as long as I plan ahead and use common sense during my trip all will be okay, but as we know all too well here, knowing that we are one of the primary caretakers of young children can make things that wouldn't ordinarily, seem scary. So, keep us in your thoughts for a productive and safe visit (with maybe a little bit of fun and culture sprinkled on top?!). At this point, I don't really know what to expect as far as how often I'll be able to update in Mexico; I may be completely bored and update the heck out of the blog just to maintain sanity, or I may be so busy I don't post a single thing until I'm back home....hopefully, it will be somewhere in between ;)
Either way, things should start happening again now that the courts are re-opened. It's been a long hiatus it seems, and during the court's break, Ana did not show up for a single scheduled visit with Carlos. I talked to him on the phone just yesterday, and I could tell that he's in need of a bit of a morale boost...hopefully a visit will help!
Next time I post, I will either be in, or have been in, Mexico...hasta luego!!
--Sonia
Either way, things should start happening again now that the courts are re-opened. It's been a long hiatus it seems, and during the court's break, Ana did not show up for a single scheduled visit with Carlos. I talked to him on the phone just yesterday, and I could tell that he's in need of a bit of a morale boost...hopefully a visit will help!
Next time I post, I will either be in, or have been in, Mexico...hasta luego!!
--Sonia
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